My Friend Was Alcohol part 2

In an attempt to not go home to an empty house and drink after work, I had taken a part-time job at a golf club.  There was always a need to fill those sad lonely hours. When the golfing season ended, I became a volunteer at the local hospital and would go there after work. I also registered at the YMCA and enrolled in Spanish classes, an H&R Block course and others. I would attend three or four classes, then drop out because my mind was just not with it. I couldn’t concentrate or do the homework and had no interest in continuing.
By this time I had made many friends whom I would meet at the bar on weekends and sometimes during the week. It kept me occupied but I would very often plod to work weary and hung over.
In 1999, my mother became ill and passed away. I remember travelling many times from Orillia to Sudbury and back while she was sick. But I did not want to be there when she was on her death bed because I had seen enough death. I did the same when my father died. I know now that much of my twisted thinking at that time was because of what alcohol was doing to my brain. It made me take decisions I would not normally take when sane and responsible.
In 2000 Paul died as he lost control of his truck at the age of 19. That gave me terrible additional pain and even more reason to drink. The next year the company I worked for perfected its restructuring program so effectively it laid off all office employees in every city where it operated.
I was now 45 years old, having lost all three of my children, my parents and now my job.  I had 31 weeks severance pay and some weeks of unemployment insurance to keep me going while I tried to figure out what to do with my badly damaged life. I was empty, beaten and lost. During that time I tried for some relief by visiting a friend in British Columbia.  When I returned he sent me a letter to say I was a nice person but he just couldn’t keep up with my drinking.
The week before my severance pay ended, I landed a job with the Ontario Government. I would go to work at the Courthouse in Newmarket.
To be Continued….

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6 Comments

  1. Keep on writing your memoires, hopefully they will inspire some other parent that are going though some of the same grief you have experience. In addition, what it`s doing for me is reminds me of my blessings. Thank you my dear friend. Lots….lots…. of love.

  2. allo Helene;

    I just read your continuing story. Today I feel sad, fed up etc…..I feel I am only existing, many things have happened, I have been feeling like this for a while now and it is worse now that I decided to stop smoking. It’s been 2 weeks and I still feel bad. When I read your stories and they are much much worse than mine, I see that there’s hope. You are such an inspiration to me. I will keep ready your stories.
    Thank you for taking the time to share with all of us.

  3. Allo Helene,,,have read a few of your blogs now…I really had no idea you were suffering so much…I now wish I could have been there for you…perhaps I should have contacted you and asked how you were doing…too late now unfortunately…but you are a very strong person and know you will be fine now…but if you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me, I would be there for you.

    • JoAnne, You were there for me. I remember you came to my house when Paul died and I thank you. As for the rest of the suffering, there is nothing you could have done to take away the pain, but I thank you my friend. Hélène xo

  4. Your blog is such an inspiration to move forward for those fighting their own demons, Helene. It is absolutely amazing that you are capable of putting these horrendous experiences into a blog, and I can see where it is a healing process for you. Be well my friend. Hansy Kranzy and I love you to pieces!!!!!

  5. Dear Helene, my heart aches for you each time I read another piece of your life journey. You probably have no idea how your sharing can help others get through some of their own hardships. You are strong and you made it. Now it is time for you to enjoy your life and make the most of it. So grateful to call you my friend.
    Claudette xoxo

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