My Friend Was Alcohol part 3

I travelled 200 kilometres every day to my new job in Newmarket before I was able to transfer to the Barrie Courthouse, a much shorter drive from Orillia.  I must have cut back on my drinking or maybe I was just lucky because I survived long distance travel through many dangerous snow storms on the 400 Hwy. I also got to know all the secondary highways from Orillia to Newmarket. I used them when the roads were treacherous. Still, I’m certain that many days, had I been pulled over driving to work, I would have blown over the limit.
During this time, I had met a wonderful man whom I dated for a year-and-a-half. The insanity of alcoholism made me end this relationship one New Year’s Eve when my mind told me things would be better if I moved to Ottawa.  Who knows why? Not only was my thinking pretty twisted, my memory of many details is unclear or maybe faulty.
On my return to work January 2nd I requested a transfer to Ottawa. On February 14th, I was on my way. I worked at the Ottawa Courthouse for 13 years until my retirement this year (a joyful event I have already written about).
But in that winter of 2002, here I was again in a new city where I knew only my sister, her husband and two daughters. Since I couldn’t impose on them every day, I once again had empty hours to fill after work. I got a second job as a server for events at the Conference Centre. I didn’t work every night. That left me again with that big black hole that I filled with alcohol. I did this for two years.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Unless I faced this truth and changed, my life would only get worse, never better.  But I argued against this truth. How could I be an alcoholic when I had managed pretty well financially? Through my relocations I had bought and sold three houses. I was independent and had found jobs on my own. I went to work regularly, if not in great shape. So, I tried to tell myself, what’s the big problem?
Well, I was regularly calling dial-a-beer for home delivery. I was smoking a lot. My hair was falling out and I could feel my teeth were next. I was bloated. I would swear to myself that I wouldn’t do this again, then head directly to the liquor store after work. Actually I used several different liquor stores because I didn’t want the staff there to see me every day and think I had a problem.
Each morning when I looked in the mirror I was disgusted with myself but I couldn’t stop.
To be Continued…

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One Comment

  1. I’m a little lost for thought, you are a courageous woman, for stepping up to tell your horrific story, everyone has demons that haunt them, and you’re such a special lady for facing those demons, you’re an inspiration and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, they say we’re given what we can take but sometimes I wonder to myself WHY….thank you for sharing and can’t wait to read more hugs sent your way xox

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