My Friend Was Alcohol part 4

As my drinking progressed, I found myself going to work hung over most mornings. When I did take a break and managed to get a good night’s sleep, I would wake up with good intentions. I would plan to visit the library or go cycling to avoid another evening of drinking.
The determination was always short-lived. By lunch time, it all changed. I would take my backpack and walk to one of the many liquor stores around my office to pick up a bottle of wine. Towards the end, I no longer picked up a 750ml bottle because I knew I would need more. To avoid a later drive to the liquor store I switched my lunch hour purchase to a full 1L bottle. My willpower was no match for my craving.
I was depressed and seemed to suffer various ailments. My doctor would ask me if I was suicidal and I would respond, ‘’No. But if I dropped dead right now, it would be fine with me’’.  I asked her to send me to see a psychiatrist thinking that maybe a professional would say something to provide an ‘’aha moment’’ to make me stop drinking. I was told psychiatrists will not treat drinking patients.
At my job, I prepared legal documents that detailed release conditions for the inmates. One of the conditions that I typed over and over again while hung over was, ‘’ You are to attend the Royal Ottawa Hospital for drug/alcohol assessment’’.  I would think to myself, ‘’I should attend for assessment’’ so finally that’s what I did.  I surrendered after looking myself in the mirror every morning, calling myself a loser and telling myself, ‘’You did it again!!”  The suffering had become too painful. After a few visits I completed all the preliminary examinations, studies and paper work. I was admitted to the hospital for two weeks, then sent to a treatment centre for 28 days.
I will celebrate 10 years of sobriety March 26, 2016.

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3 Comments

  1. My dearest Hélène,
    I’m so glad you took that final step, almost 10 years ago, to get help after so much pain and suffering. I remember meeting you at a Retreat many years ago and we took a long walk together. We talked and shared so much that day and became good friends. Your story was devastating then and I didn’t even know all the details. Your blog has opened my eyes to just how much you have gone through, I will always treasure our friendship. We’ve had such good times together, you taught me how to have fun and to live in the moment. Your powerful zest for life is an inspiration for me and I’m sure for many other.
    With love, Anne

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