Three Choices – Part 2

The saying goes, “Time heals”. I say “Time dulls”. I no longer think constantly about the loss of my children. I go on with life like anyone else. But once in a while, with nothing special to trigger it, the sadness hits me in the face and I think, “What on earth happened there?”
I will deal with this feeling, then quickly do something to engage my mind and let that thought go. If something did trigger it, I walk away from the trigger.

What are those triggers? They can be almost anything. Some seem obvious. I see young men who resemble my son who died at 19. That can produce a profound sadness in me. I watched the movie “The Book Thief”. It featured a young girl who vividly reminded me of my daughter. If I let them, such memories and the sadness they produce could send me back into darkness and despair. I could begin to drink again. But that is too horrible to contemplate.

I am now at the age where many of my friends are having grandchildren.  It seems that at some point their conversation turns to their grandchildren. Pictures come out, stories are shared and there is great joy and laughter. That remains a constant reminder of what is to never be. I deliberately remind myself of the many people and friends who have no children, those who, like me, will never have grandchildren. I am not constantly sad because I have no grandchildren but I often wonder what might have been. I do sometimes envy the grandparents’ joy over their precious little bundles, listening to their cute chatter, exploring life with them and watching them grow up.

Facebook can be another trigger. Pictures of grandchildren are often posted with lines such as, ”Share this post if you have the most beautiful son/daughter/grandchildren etc.” To be honest, most of the time those posts no longer bother me but if I’m in an ”off mood” I use the SCROLL feature on my mouse and move on quickly with a $%#$ comment in my head.

To sum up this post, at some point (and no one can say when that point happens) I had to make a choice. It was to continue immersed in my painful losses day after day or to slowly but surely engage in life with friends, activities and enthusiasm.
Life happens. There will be more bad things and there will always be triggers and sad thoughts. I have chosen to acknowledge them, to feel them and then to move on.

It’s my journey, a never-ending adventure that I plan to embrace until I die.

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  1. thank you for sharing your thoughts….. I too have lost a child . He was 5. Your last sentences are very powerful. I feel the same way. Life happens…… we must move on. Accepting the fact that triggers will happen and we never know when. Its important to feel the emotions. All part of healing but never ” Getting Over It” ! Learning to live with the emotions. I choose to think of them as a reminder of the great Love we shared and how lucky i am to have shared that Love. ……. God Bless xo

  2. I often think of you Helene…and your children every time I drive by those white crosses. I will never forget about what happened and the life that you’re living….love u x0x0

  3. Everytime I think of what you must be going through I envy the strength that you have found within you to find peace to go on. I admire your love for life and positve outlook that you have chosen to live by and go on. Big hugs xo

  4. Such a strong lady. I know who you are through friends and I see you has one of the strongest person I know. My mom also lost her son in a mining accident and know what that did to her. So to have all 3 children be take from me would kill me. You have continued to live and through you they love on.

  5. Chère Hélène,
    Je viens de relire ton message…et de regarder la belle photo. J’ai encore des frissons et les larmes aux yeux. Tu es une femme forte et inspirante. Tellement de souvenirs me sont revenu à l’idée (nos jasettes, nos marches, du golf). You’ve come such a long way and I see how you’ve been guided on the right path by Someone who cares about you. Tu es une femme inspirante qui a pris les bons choix afin de suivre le chemin tracé pour toi. Un gros bisou et j’espère que nous nous reverrons bientôt.

  6. It is so amazing to share life with you. Your courage, strength, love, and vulnerability inspire me to do and be the same…to live openly, to share hope for another day, to practice acceptance, to feel the feelings, to let them pass, to share them with trusted friends. You are one of them. Thank you for being in my life.

  7. Thank you, Hèléne! You are one fine example to many of us! You are in my thoughts and prayers often…

  8. Like many people have said here…you inspire me Helene.
    I have learned so much from you and in turn myself.
    I love your smile and how you chose to go on with your life.
    You are an inspiration to many people.
    Love and Hugszz.

  9. Helene, I am a friend of Bill’s so although we have never met, I know your story. You are a walking miracle for so many reasons. What’s more, you are sharing your strength, experience and hope in a way that will bring comfort to the hearts of countless individuals. What a blessing you are to our suffering world! You are also proof that from even the greatest of tragedies the hand of God may be found. You are that hand.

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