Today, September 28th is my daughter Anne’s birthday. She was about to turn 13 when she was killed. She would now be 37.
Significant dates, holidays and special events affect me in various ways.
The birthdays after my young son and daughter died were extremely sad days. I took flowers to the cemetery and could see that their friends had been there also, leaving notes and mementoes.
I am aware and sensitive to the birth date of each of my children as that day approaches. I don’t mention it to anyone and do not make myself sad or mope at that time. I once heard the expression, “misery is optional” and while that is a bit too simple I am aware that I am responsible for my moods and reactions. I go about my day remembering Anne and Adam and Paul, wondering where they would be in their lives. Would they have children (and me a grandmother)? What kind of work they would be doing? What they would look like? Those thoughts can go on and on.
This past July when I minded my sister’s two daughters, I asked each of them how old she would be this coming September and October. My niece Isabelle told me she would be turning 13. It made me realize that she was the very age of my Anne when she was killed. At that moment, I sort of relived or had a picture of my daughter at that age right in front of me. I could see her physique, personality, voice, expressions . . . everything
about her. This is just a reminder that a little thing, like hearing another child’s age, can trigger the most detailed and intimate parental thoughts in any of us.
I have noticed that people use Facebook to speak to their lost loved ones. They send them poems and sensitive thoughts and tell them how much they are missed, as though the person who has passed also reads Facebook. (Yes, I do use humour now and then where these situations are concerned).
So I will use my blog to wish my daughter Anne a Happy Birthday. Even though you are no longer here my dear Anne, it was indeed a very Happy Day when you came into my life. I will always love you.